ENIGMA

Heya! Never thought that I would be so expressive about what keeps tickling my medulla. Not that I love to maintain a ‘closed book’ profile, just that I’m not that easy with opening up the crap going on in my head, ‘cause most of the time what reverberates inside is much of a crap to the multitude of this mundane, and in the premises of my intimate domain words are not a requisite.
Sometimes there are gestures more profound than what can be envisaged by the verbal covert regardless of the aptness with which we effort to provide it. Sometimes words are simply incapable to suffice the conveyance of their intents, and for most of my serene realisations I view as evincing them with words is a genuine mockery to the astuteness.
Well all these discussions aside, today penning down this ‘Enigma’ document is something I’d never anticipated to be actualised. I guess that’s why they say, “It takes you four years to become an engineer but to revert to humane sanities the lifetime ahead is certainly insufficient…” no offenses to the esteemed reputation of engineers, but I’m dead sure there’s something more to this life of four years than merely rendering a graduation degree and a perky occupation. However the experience might not be restricted within the bounds of an engineering student’s life, but then neither do I owe an experience to any other domains as well…
But anyhow it’s an absolutely foregone conclusion that with time we all do mature in our state-of-being and an evolution in our vision seems inevitable. In conformance stands the case of our habits, the way we introspect and hence retrospect any incident we encounter.
Whoops, a deal of heavy words. This is one reason I simply despise putting myself in words, ‘cause whenever I dig into such an attempt all that comes out is a full-on stack of grave philosophies. All this simply leaves me befooled, forced to wonder if this is what my cerebral activities dilly-dally to.
Well, anyways whatever the commandments of my encephalon be, today is the day when amidst the darkness of 02:00 a.m. enlightened by the glow of my laptop’s LCD screen, I aim to blurt out all the tell-tale of all these four years.
These four years were nothing more than an enigma to me, a mystery which leaves me wondering whenever I make an attempt to retrospect at the deeds and thought process I underwent. These four years which intend to leave me with a graduate degree and a state of modest employment (keeping up to the promise they made), and more importantly a whole wad of experiences: experiences to cherish, experiences to learn from, experience to deem the significance of the humane ingredients contained in this recipe called life and a lots more… (Words probably wouldn’t suffice the purpose.)
So commencing the wrap up of this voyage, it all starts on August 10, 2007. God I would cross my heart, it was hell of a day. It was never tough for me to leave home de facto I always considered it as a venture. Yet packed with that bunch of all those expectations and I have no clue what more, here I kicked-off my session in this academe. This was the first alteration from the academia I enjoyed till now (as in, my school). After a span of 14 continuous years it was obviously an appreciable shift for me. Anyhow time was easy with me. Things were never that estranged as I expected them to be. ‘Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst’ I guess that actually ruled here. But anyways I still remember my batch mates considering me a moronic ‘calendar’ (as they quote it) initially. Now I’m absolutely clueless if the same thought still prevails in the minds of some, if not all. Funny aspect ‘cause this was never me. But it was not their flaw here, I was actually being one. Not bereft of my niche but yes disparaged out of my admission into this college. To this day I’m absolutely unaware of what made me decide to register myself to this place, but I guess that’s where destiny claims a check-n-mate. I don’t claim that life would have been gloomy had I not been here, absolutely not; but yes, life would neither have been THIS, what it is today. Regardless of how it is, it possesses the exemplary stature in its own façade. Well so time passed by, and gradually all my idiotic sheaths started unleashing the real me, but this unravelling was restricted I can guarantee for sure. So as time leaped, days became awesome as they always were. This city rendered no scope to support my pleasures of hangouts and nomadic freak-outs. Initially this used to frustrate me beyond bounds, but that’s what imbibed in me the sense to nurture joy within the consolidation of bounds. See there do exist various facets to a situation, it doesn’t implies we decipher ways to compromise our longings but then what’s the use brooding over something when we can make out the best of pleasures within. It’s simply a matter of making your choices and to mark we do need to ‘Make Our Choices Wisely’, real wisely…
In due course, I came across lots of incidents, nothing unusual. Well days passed by, and so did weeks n months, and hence a year ends. At that time it seemed to be a real accomplishment. That feeling of being a second year student, a senior to that whole lot of kids…. Now all this seems so full of folly, but then that was the time; relishing nonsense gossips, PJs, late night chats, blundered link-ups and damn ridiculous fantasies…. gosh, it was hell of a phase. But not to forget, making friends was indeed the most sensible deed we did at that time and undoubtedly would cherish it for lifetime.
Here something that needs special mention basically due to two reasons. Firstly, the genuine significance of the context, and secondly, much more genuinely, leaving this off may lead to hazardous consequences for me in the left-over time. So with due regards to that most cherished bond, and with due respect to the might of my weirdest companions of this place… the most spectacular thing that happened to all five of us, the wackiest bunch of crackers in the hostel, seemingly calm in composure but breeding the most disastrous pranks within the cerebrums, we were the ENIGMA; and to this day we maintain that reputation. Any mishap in the hostel and the fingers are straight towards, let me speak that, US. But then earnestly confessing we were never that bad and the realisation of this fact may be plainly confirmed by the wavering motion of fingers pointing towards us… ;P ;P ;P (Now that was an insane bit of exaggeration.)
But with all this deep shit of insanity, I finally survived a year in my college. But this time was not that burdening to call it a survival. With regained vitality, we arrived back. But then again, life is all a bunch of surprises. We take it as of granted and the very next moment it makes us realise how haywire we were. Now this time it was a punch on Enigma, seemingly blown off. Absolutely disrupted as we seemed to be, no doubt it came into public notice faster than anything else. But then there were flickers of revival; but there’s nothing more robust than human ego in play, and when a multitude of it comes into action, destruction is inevitable. However that rendered all of us with an altered life. And I guess that had some positive intentions in disguise. Not that this is in conformance to my being a staunch optimist, in fact I did realised that in the long run. So this was the Second year, not pretty eventful, courtesy: my being pretty accustomed to this lifestyle, which I considered as hell dreary. In fact, to be honest, except some situations, like a blissful shower in desert, this year was sober for me. However some really good things, that I really aspired for, happened to me in this year, but still that spark I always coveted for, seemed to be missing. But not to forget, in all our nuisances was appended our fad to catch up the latest flicks, to the limit that even language posed no constraints. From the multilingual façade of Indian linguistics to globally existent, I fail to recall exactly how many diversely-languaged movies began racking up my hard drives.
Time transits, and honestly its out of question to trace this transition, it can only be observed in our intuitive conscience. But all this time filled me up with a bunch of revelations, pretty positive ones and the ones which really did mean a lot in my life. This was the time I really grew to play up with mental attitudes, and yes that was fun. But important to admit, by this time I actually realised what my family meant to me. No intentions to glorify their significance here ‘cause that’s something worthy beyond my words; yet I just grew to understand that all the cool attitude with which I was up brought was not something oft occurring. There were kids who didn’t expect that level of flexibility from their niche and for this I owe them a ton. I assumed it to be usual but then I required rectifying myself, that was certainly not the case; and this I would have never realised had I not been to this place.
Well Third year, rather Pre-Final year, a term I often used to glorify our emplacement. I’m bit of a trash in such matters, I admit; would create such an accentuated aura out hay… lulzz I just love doing that ;) ;)
But to acknowledge, this year would undoubtedly be rated as the best of all my time in this hostel, aptly the best. Moreover this was the year when I bagged quite a deal of accomplishments, most of which were never a part of my aspirations, esp, cracking the GATE-2010 (sufficing to get through ‘The IITs’) and getting a place in the Tyro. Now Tyro is this student council of our college and a place I never, even in the weirdest of my dreams, saw myself in. I don’t know what developed my apathy towards this group, but to this day my being a part of the team was never a reason I would use to rejoice. But then this was the very place which embellished my trance in this place with a sense to ascertain priorities and more importantly realise the fact that relieving some things of their claimed importance is practically reasonable. In fact there is no rationale to explain the undertaking of every damn responsibility as a bulk head on oneself, as if you are the Bull.
Now other than this official log, this year gave me myriad grounds to place it in my top charters for lifetime. Lots of mischief, newbie inculcated in composure and life and then some really good people in my virtual networked existence; all this and much more… this year gave me a lot; lot of chances to ameliorate my past flimsiness (major being the revival of Enigma – finally we did manage to shred down our egos, sturdy they were indeed….however the deal was not all done, ‘cause post my aloofness there were more ruptures within and these gaps were needed to be filled), a good bulk of talisman for the times ahead and a really trance-mixed present. And then the most remarkable record I set this year was being awake and active for a stretch of 50 hours twice (Unbeaten till date ;) ;P :D). The list would trail infinitely, but to sum up, this was the year of my life.
Now arrives the big deal. A time I’d awaited ever since August 10, 2007 – the Final Year. Now calling that Fourth Year dilutes its essence vulnerably. The year when we commuted from triple occupancy rooms to single seaters; seemed as our world, the liberty to be the listener of our dictates. But for me that never seemed anything as an excellent idea, generated boredom for me. This year brought with it a fervour of (most importantly) responsibilities, expectations of hell-bent seriousness towards our future and (most waited) the zest of being in ‘The’ final year. It seemed as if the heavens had granted us with some sort of liberties, liberties to the pursuit of even the uncanniest ideas groping in the brain box. Well for me studies, Tyro and this responsibility to pursue the undaunted, spurious frivolities were all this year meant. Everything seemed reasonable just because it was the year we’ll ultimately make this place count as our alma mater….Yeah!!! Such a realisation did imbibe a sense of triumph within. Reluctance and recklessness seeped in like hell this time. As of usual, these attributes are my instinctive possessions. Born of such arduously perfectionist combo, it flabbergasts me to sense such reluctance in me; but then even rashness demands ne plus ultra  
Whatsoever, but then as a matter of fact this was not the time of all pleasures for me. De facto it gave me certain serious, not to intensify but actually, grave impacts. Some troughs I had not even visualised in the wildest of my nightmares came actually true… n this was the year. Winters were never my time but this time they grew sullen and damp beyond extent. It was the era of ultimate despair, self-disdain. I despised to even think of it, but I actually became defiant to my very existence, to the helpless mediocrity of my existence. This is an issue when we are accustomed to pristinity, always been the one who maintain composure and help others get composed; and this is one time when sustaining equanimity becomes a test of life for you, for me it was admittedly. ‘Cause I’ve never been the person who vents out issues in front of any damn body, simply raised up to that stubbornness I guess; independence I would rather prefer calling it. Anyhow it was indeed a crucial phase; yes a phase in itself, left me with a class of enlightenment. But then every cloud has a silver lining, and earnest efforts are never in vain. Life revived its essence and the rider was back in action.
Awesomeness trailing, it gave a superb feeling – of surpassing excellence. And with this we were already foot padded in our, let me call it, The Last Semester of Engineering. I mean this was undoubtedly the time when nothing else meant more than making each moment more ravishing. Plundering the soul of super-exaggerated mirth seemingly became a motive, it seemed so. And undoubtedly we were again so flawless in this. Now this was a group effort ‘cause some things in life may come single-handedly but the very marrow of their presence vests in their accumulated reverberations. The rhythm of such resonating concord renders meticulous joy and this experience is what the soul thrives for to relish its thirst of liveliness.
Today summarising all this tale of four years, I realise its just a meagre crux of whatever I, along with everybody else, experienced all this time. Now when we are hardly a couple of weeks away from bidding this place and all this stuff our final adieu, I just have the revelation of how much it meant to me, to all of us, to each one of us. No matter how much we hate our college, but in the end we’ll miss it for sure. We’ll miss it for the friends, for its ambience, for the tipsiness that plain water can cause, for the spirit to break rules, for the serenity of absurd fantasies, for the ‘faad’ astonishments, for the ‘bam faad’ attitudes, for the desire to rebel against everything dictated no matter how relevant that may be just in an urge of self-contentment and for a lot more….. this is what we call Nostalgia Creeping. But then this nostalgia is only an evidence of how much we lived during these years…… Rightly said, “We Part only to Meet again” (Courtesy: Enigma) and in this lies the charm of ENIGMA.